Friday, April 28, 2006

THE MANLY MAN Part II: The Manly Man Quiz

Manly men. Alpha males who can lead this feminism-ruined world into a bright new future. Many will claim to have such power. Yet few will walk the walk. How do we separate the men from the boys? How do you know if you're the real McCoy?

Take the Manly Man Quiz.

THE MANLY MAN QUIZ

Day of the Dead

It's the first day of a level three zombie outbreak and the undead have taken the streets. You've just wrenched a 12-gauge shotgun from a reanimated mall security guard and blown his Solanum-infested brain to smithereens. When you finally get your bearings, you hear the terrified voices of young girls. You turn around and see a small group of high school girls surrounded by shamblers. What do you do?

A. Leave them to their fate. Girls will not help you survive this outbreak and you'll just waste precious ammo trying to save them.
B. Run for the mall and hope that the survivors hiding there will help you save the girls.
C. Leap into the fray with guns blazing and snatch the girls from the jaws of the undead. The world as you once knew it has ended but that's no reason to stop screwing. Besides, you'll need slaves in this new world order.

A Woman's Tears

You and your woman have exchanged unpleasant words in a bang-up fight. Suddenly, she starts crying and you realize that you've been really mean to her. What do you do?

A. Hug her.
B. Tell her you love her and that you didn't mean any of the ugly things you said.
C. Grab a bottle of beer from the fridge and play videogames with the volume on full to drown out her histrionics.

Car Accident

One night, you come across a car wreck in the middle of a deserted road. You see a pregnant woman in the driver seat, blood gushing from a cut on her face. She's trying to get out of the vehicle. She sees you and, with a weak voice, begs you for help. What do you do?

A. Call the paramedics from your cellular phone.
B. Apply first aid and THEN call the paramedics.
C. Repeatedly slam the car door into her face. She's a woman. She shouldn't have been driving. If you kill her now the baby with her stupid genes dies with her and the world will be a much safer place.

Moonlight

You and your woman are walking in a moonlit park and she suddenly notices how beautiful the night is. The stars are burning like celestial torches in the dark firmament above you. A silver streak slashes across the skies. She laughs, child-like, when she sees it. You stare at her and think that she's the most beautiful creature to ever walk this sad planet. She meets your eyes. You know that this is it. This is the time. You have to ask her now. What do you do?

A. Hold her hands and ask her.
B. Hold her hands, kiss her like you've never kissed a woman before, and THEN ask her.
C. Ask her what?

Genius

You drop by your woman's apartment to do her a favor by letting her suck your cock. She meets you at the door, ecstatically telling you something that you can't really understand until she repeats it a third time. Apparently she's been going to night classes and studying medicine. Now all her efforts have paid off and she’s found the cure for cancer! What do you do?

A. Go out and buy the most expensive wine you can find so that the two of you can celebrate her triumph!
B. Ask her for the formula, kill her, and then sell the formula to the highest bidder.
C. Slap her across the mouth with the knotty back of your hand for being a lying cunt. Everyone knows women are too dumb for anything but screwing.


SCORING

A = 1 point
B = 1 point
C = 10,000 points

SO HOW DID YOU DO?

5 Points


You are a despicable example of what society has forced upon the male gender. You are not even scum. You are the scum on scum's scabby heel. Do yourself a favor. Commit suicide. That would be the only manly thing you can ever do in your contemptible life.

10,004 to 50,000 Points

Good job. You are a man, but not in the league of John Rambo, Bruce Lee, or Charles Manson. Don't worry yourself too much about that, though. Not everyone can be great. Being a man in this screwed-up world is triumph enough in itself.

0 Points (You Didn't Answer the Quiz)

You are a MANLY man! Manly men don't answer internet quizzes. Dumb fucks like women and snotty teenagers do. Manly men are always out killing things and popping cherries. So go forth and enrich the gene pool with your manly jiz.

PREVIOUSLY: WE NEED MANLY MEN
NEXT: JOHN RAMBO, BRUCE LEE, AND CHARLES MANSON

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