Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Word According to Squid Part 10

On Golf Courses

Fucking golf courses. When I become Emperor, I'll turn all that land into farms. Or missile silos.

On Catholics

Don't you just love rabid Catholics?

On the Catholic Church

The Holy Mother Church thinks it owns your gonads.

On Alms for the Poor

I gave the dude 50 pesos because if his sob story wasn't true, it sure was entertaining.

On Circumcision

Do you miss your foreskin? Am I thinking aloud again? Fuck!

On Rockstardom

Dahil ang tunay na rockstar ay hindi nagpapalit ng pantalon at hindi namamalantsa ng damit.

On Boxes of Chocolates

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like fiddling with your phone when you're alone so you won't look stupid.

On Life

My life is starting to look like Eraserhead. And I don't mean the band.

On Cosplayers

I'm sitting next to Alodia. Maybe I should punch her.

On Everyday Tragedies

My left foot is well-covered in foot powder. The powder ran out when I was getting to my right foot. Oh, the tragedy!

On Vegetables

I need vegetables! Things that grow from plants! Things Cain offered God and were rejected because God wanted death and blood!

Mantra

Guilt and hope. Hope and guilt.

The City at Night

Brain-addled gluesniffer street kid keeps telling me my hair clip is a huge insect. Welcome to the city at night.

On Long Hair

Dear Little Girl: My hair is this long because I am an evil wizard who eats inquisitive little girls.

SHITDIDIJUSTSAYTHATOUTLOUD?

If I were a boooy... SHITDIDIJUSTSAYTHATOUTLOUD?

Time Alone

Remember that all things will be washed away by time until all that's left is time alone.

On Birthmarks

I have a heart-shaped birthmark on my side. That's because I'm a Care Bear. Or a Little Pony. I can't recall which.

On Being Verbose

Lorem ipsum dolor.

On Leaving
'
On the train. Nowhere to go. A computer in my bag. My clothes on my back. Welcome to a new adventure, Squiddo.

Mantra Again

Butterflies and flutterbys.

Holocaust

Train. Rush hour. Packed like it was bound for Dachau. And someone just HAD to fart. This is my Holocaust, friends.

On Writers

Dear Young Woman on the Train: Your boyfriend looks like a writer. I hope you don't plan to marry him.

On Stickers and MacBooks

The short answer is: I put stickers on my MacBook because I'm retarded.

Inception

I just found sand in my pockets. Inception?

On the Supernatural

I don't fear the supernatural. What I fear is bad people doing bad things to people I care about.

On Costumes

Dude, I've never held a "real" job in my life. A tie is technically a Halloween costume for people like me.

On Old Wounds

Old wounds, scarred over, tough like an old soldier. Lessons learned well, branded on the heart, never to be forgotten. Strength. God will not tear this tower down.

On Sleep Deprivation

Zombie Apocalypse level lack of sleep gives me a tingling sensation in my balls. Teehee.

On Biopics

Her Question: Squid, if you're to write a movie about our college gang, what would you call it?
My Answer: Squid and Friends.

On K-Pop

Stone me in the village square and burn me with righteous fire if you must. I'll die still thinking that K-Pop rocks.

On Scriptwriting

When you find yourself naming script characters after classic porn movies, it's time to get some sleep.

Brain Overheating

Brain overheating. I think it's leaking from my ears now. And you know what? This is what makes things fokken interesting.

On Lacking Wit

When I have nothing witty to say on Facebook, I post videos. Sometimes, I wish I can do that in real life.

On The Catholic Church Yet Again

Dear Vatican: Stop trying to sound cool.

On Taho

I saw a taho vendor spitting in his own aluminum bucket. Probably for the lulz. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

On Lying

Without the capacity to lie, we wouldn't be able to make up stories. If Satan is the Father of Lies, then he's also the god of writers.

Spare Soul

Jeezas, I'm drained. I think I need a spare soul.

On Singing

I invent lyrics when I don't know them. Sometimes it's embarrassing.

On Kids

My nephew asked me what two plus two was.

"Four," I answered.

"Wrong," he said. "Two plus two... Lapu Lapu!"

He thought it was really clever. I didn't have the heart to tell him that there's a whole bunch of those and they've been going around since waaay before I was born. Instead, I asked him if he knew who Lapu Lapu was.

He answered: "I think he was in Agent X44."

On Delusion

There are those who would shave the corners off a square peg so as to fit into a round hole. And they they will say both peg and hole were made for each other.

On Rabbits

You've got to love rabbits. They're cute and stupid and the only thing they're good at is fucking. Just like some people.

Sikretong Malupet

Sikretong malupet. Walang kasing lagket. Minsan kabet-kabet. Huwag nang itanong kung baket. Sikretong mapulet.

2 comments:

  1. I like reading posts like this sir. Happy Birthday squid! :)

    ReplyDelete