Friday, October 14, 2011

The Word According to Squid Part 16

On Mideo Cruz

I say this with love: If I was God, the creator of all things, I wouldn't be offended by Mideo M. Cruz's exhibit.

I say this with hatred: Fuck the CBCP, fuck Imelda Marcos, and fuck you, Filipino Philistines.

On the Reproductive Health Bill

If Christ himself came down to tell the bishops that contraception improves women's health, the CBCP will crucify him all over again because he doesn't abide by the Catholic doctrine.

Dear Green Shirt

Dear Green Shirt: Sana hindi ka na gusot kapag haharap na ako kay Mam Charo Santos. Love, Squid.

Commandment

A new commandment I give you: Evolve or die.

On the Catholic Church

The Catholic Church needs to realize that the free flow of information and ideas in the Internet Age is not to her advantage.

On Rain

Like a desperate lover, the rain covers this unfaithful city.

On Earthquakes

Whoa, earthquake. And the first thing we do is post it on Facebook.

On the Seven Deadly Sins

I don't think of them as the Seven Deadly Sins. I think of them as the Seven Interesting Flavors.

On Elephants

Wouldn't life be more exciting if elephants were carnivores? It'd be like living with dinosaurs.

Deal With It

Yes, I'm using a Hello Kitty fliptop lighter. Deal with it.

On Advice

Some people need advice. Other people just need an audience.

On Wizards

Why don't wizards use firearms in Harry Potter's world? I've always pondered this question myself. If you think about it, muggle technology can wipe out wizards great and small. A bullet, for instance, is faster than any wizard's ability to conjure a protective spell. If there were guns in the Harry Potter series, there will only be one book. And it will be a much more awesome one. Does it go against the sorcery genre? Not really. Heroes fight mythical creatures with swords all the time. Some weapons are even enchanted by wizards. What's keeping a modern muggle from using a +1 Kalashnikov of Despair?

On Misogyny

When you write a lot, it's inevitable that there will be things you'll regret putting out there. The greatest of my regrets are the misogynistic articles I've posted on some sites. They were meant to shock people, that's the truth of it. I don't really hate women. In fact, I love women and I admire women who regard themselves the equals of men. I was trying to be obnoxious because, hey, this is the Innurlulz. No one really takes this shit seriously. To my dismay, I've noticed some people use what I wrote to justify their own misogyny, like I was some sort of minor hero to the cause of keeping women in the kitchen. And that, buddy, is why I don't write those nasty pieces anymore. Go somewhere else if you want your fix.

On Problems

I think it's the ability to confront problems without getting emotional that separates the winners from the whiners.

My Patronus

My Patronus is a humongous tapeworm. It's about the size of a freight train. I fed it a couple of toddlers once.

On Lucid Dreaming

This morning's lucid dreaming experiment was only semi-lucid in the sense that I regularly forgot I was in a dream. There were a handful of dreams with distinct stories and a couple of dreams-within-dreams. I checked the clock every time I awoke from a dream, thereby confirming that each dream was around thirty minutes long. The theme for this set of dreams was reverse-possession. I wasn't being possessed. I was the one doing the possessing. The first body I possessed was of a Jew on the train to Auschwitz. Horrible production value, subconscious, just horrible. I was pudgy. The train was dark but not dirty. And it wasn't cramped. There were only about six of us in that car. A few dreams later, the last body I possessed before finally getting out of bed was of an old man living alone in a dirty old apartment, watching television. I'm somewhat proud of my subconscious for coming up with that one. My vision was horrible because my eyes were really bad, I felt a thousand aches in my body, and my mouth was toothless.

On Style

Style without content is like candy-coated bullshit. We can all smell it from across the room.

On Love

Dear Goodbuddy: If you do not murder love, how can it be reborn?

On Talent

I submit: Every kid has something he can be good at. Not necessarily great. Just good enough to be successful at it. Greatness is something reserved for those extremely gifted who are in the right place at the right time. 

Conjecture: I think kids who grow up as successful adults have been given two important things in their lives: First, the encouragement to keep doing what they are good at. Second, verification that they truly are good at what they do through appreciation from their peers and teachers. A kid who gets only encouragement may grossly overestimate his talent. He'll become a deluded asshole whose ego is greater than his actual talent. A kid who gets only verification from peers and not encouragement from his family will grow up constantly doubting himself.

On Debt

Look, credit cards are designed to keep you chained to debt, to an infinite cycle of interest and payment. Find the money to pay off all your credit card debts in one fell swoop and then stop using credit cards. Owing a relative or a friend a lot of money is embarrassing, sure, but it's way better than owing a bank.

On Social Contracts

Human civilization is held together by various human social contracts, such as "throw your trash in a wastebasket," or "respect all creeds and gender," or "if you don't kill my family, I won't hunt you down and strangle you with your own intestines." Breaking these human social contracts doesn't make you look cool. It just makes you obnoxious.

On Plagiarism

Kidding aside, I'm looking at this issue from a more sober point of view. Concepts, really, are just ideas. Ideas are triggered by external events. In this case, I first had the idea for that particular concept because of a certain concert. It's not impossible that someone else had the same idea when he or she saw the same thing. The same trigger causing the same idea. How often have we had ideas pero isang araw ay madi-disappoint tayo kasi may mapapanood tayong lumang pelikula na ganoon din, meaning may nauna na sa atin? We draw water from more or less the same well of modern mythologies. And really, concepts are a dime a dozen. I consider, discard, reconsider, and then discard again about half a dozen concepts in my brain on a daily basis. It's not a concept that makes one a rockstar. It's MOUNTING a concept and turning it into something consumable by the audience. Someone pitched the concept as a movie at the same time we pitched it as a TV series. The movie outfit approved it and put it on their list of projects to develop before our concept had been approved. Minalas tayo. Life goes on.

I'm not saying it's impossible that we've been ripped off by some unscrupulous creative eavesdropping on us in Starbucks. If we had been, that sucks. And I feel that more than anybody since this was originally mine. If we've been ripped off, then let's learn our lesson: let's be more secretive when it comes to brilliant ideas. If it's really a parallel effort, then we scratch our heads and sit down again to create more braingasms. Malalim pa naman ang balon na pinagsasalukan ng tubig.

On Movies

Gawa tayo ng pelikula. Yung walang manonood.

On Jose Rizal

Diba Chinese mestizo si Jose Rizal? E bakit mas mukha pa siyang katutubo kesa sa akin?

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